My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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