her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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