If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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