Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize