after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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