She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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