Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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