I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
