So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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