AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
