i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
