I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
