well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
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high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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