I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I am in a vortex of obligation.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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