I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
