I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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