She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
