i would punch a child for taco bell
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?