i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
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Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
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he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Sorry about my life...
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.