is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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