it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
