Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
