You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
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I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
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I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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