Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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