I wish you could order shots online.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
