They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
