i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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