umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
She bit a glass in half.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
