Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Are we in a gay sports bar?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
