tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize