I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
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