xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
