Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
