I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
