just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
