When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
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