Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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