I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
