He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
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