Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
