low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
