So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
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He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
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I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
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