Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Randomize
