apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
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guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
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Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.