is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Please. i have SOME standards
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent