Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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