her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.