You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Randomize
