It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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