I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
