I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
