are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
