I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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