We won't sleep together?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
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