is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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