she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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