as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
