can u get pink eye on your cock?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
