Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
