What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
