The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
this hospital has no fireball
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
