JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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