i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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