sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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